A Thorn in My Flesh

Here I am again, starting over with a journey that it seems I've been on for centuries. That is hyperbole of course, but so is life when your struggle is what you put in your mouth and how that manifests in your body. My weight gain journey started at puberty. As my body developed, my weight grew and has grown since that day. Hooray for hormones! I've lost significant weight before, but for some reason, this time it is harder for me.. not the physical part so much as the mental and emotional gumption to get started and stay going.

I cognitively understand that my body is suffering. There are little pings and pangs that let me know my weight is adversely affecting my health. I've seen me not getting past my sixties on my current course and that is not what I want for my life. That is not what I want for myself. I've also seen me well into my eighties healthy and active and in cute hot pink jogging suits being sassy and fit. I have a choice. I know this, I could live either life. Option 1 requires no additional work, just keep going as I am going and my life is over in a little over twenty years. Option 2 with hard work is also available, another 40 to 50 quality years available to do great things if I commit to it.

So that's where we are today, limping towards a new opportunity at bringing my health into focus. Here's what will need to happen:

A. I need a medical partner:

I am going back to my home town of Houston, TX in about three weeks, but before I leave, I'll see my Dr. here one last time and have a conversation about my current state of health. I have High Blood Pressure and I've been flirting with diabetes. I have not said that second part out loud. I have one kidney, that's serious. I know, don't yell at me, I know.. I know.

B. I need to see a psychiatric professional:

That can be pricey, but I have an EAP program with my current employer, maybe I can see someone before I leave. If not, my new employer has the same, either way, within 30-60 days I will see a psychiatric professional.

C. I need a plan:

This plan is for working out and for diet. For the most part I know what needs to be done here. But I'm going to get more specific. I get bored with routine, so the challenge for me is always consistency or finding enough variety in consistency to fool my body into believing we're being different. Maybe whomever I talk to it part B will help me work through this also.

D. I want a coach:

I have a coach at school and it really helps me stay on task. I want to find a wellness coach. We'll make this a 60-90 day goal. We may include a personal training in this later. I don't know. I guess if I'm assembling a team, then this will be a necessity, especially when I start working on building muscle. My initial goal is just to get moving.

So that's the initial stage one plan. I'm hoping that transparency will keep me on point since keeping it to myself hasn't been successful, we'll see how that goes.

Blessings!

KT

The Lush Life

A thought had been forming in my head for some time, or maybe it is more like an idea or mantra. You should live your life lushly, decadently, and with no regrets. You see, there is this idealized me that I see in my head. The idealized me does not procrastinate. She makes conscious decisions about what she eats. She is honest in her communications and speaks with integrity while being conscious of other people's right to do the same. She makes her needs a priority so that she doesn't burn out. She exercises and drinks lots of water. The more I thought about idealized me the more I began to think, These aren't impossible standards, this is doable. That thought, that one word, doable, is what lead me to The Lush Life.

To my way of thinking, the Lush Life is living your life in a way that shows you without any doubt that you love you. Or I love me... there is love here. If I'm living my life lushly I am not making excuses for mediocrity and I know mediocrity, enough to get by has been a setting that my life has been on for some time. There are things in our lives that we cannot change, circumstances by which providence, fate, or just dumb luck cause us to have to work through. There is nothing we can do in those cases but choose our response and act accordingly. Conversely, there are things about ourselves, about our soul and our spirit that we can do everything about. We can craft our lives and set our hearts toward the light of self discovery and self care. We can teach ourselves how to love our bodies no matter our current shape. We can learn to love our flaws and accept our vulnerabilities. All of this, all of this acceptance and care and love, this is living lushly. I'm committed to this journey. Years and years of self doubt, defeatist self talk and bad decisions don't just disappear. We are where we are usually because of the choices we make. So if we want to move, it stands to reason that we should make another choice!

I'm committed to living out this journey, and I do hope you'll go with me. If not, I'll continue to wail away in my little corner of the internet believing that in the end, even if I walk alone, I've not walked in vain. That's the good stuff and it is beautiful.

Viva la Dolce Vita!

Come with me, and let us be great together.